Jimmy, Bubble, and Timmy (our stray kitty) on a grand adventure~! A loose concept request in which I inserted m’cats.
In other new, Jimmy just got out of surgery. :( He’s been having poop issues for quite some time and it turned out the cause was an intussusception - which is when the intestine folds into itself for some reason and causes an obstruction. So they removed the bad piece of his intestine and they said he should not be sick anymore. So it’s good I think…. He is recovering now so please wish him well! 
This image will be for sale as a print soon!


Jimmy, Bubble, and Timmy (our stray kitty) on a grand adventure~! A loose concept request in which I inserted m’cats.

In other new, Jimmy just got out of surgery. :( He’s been having poop issues for quite some time and it turned out the cause was an intussusception - which is when the intestine folds into itself for some reason and causes an obstruction. So they removed the bad piece of his intestine and they said he should not be sick anymore. So it’s good I think…. He is recovering now so please wish him well! 

This image will be for sale as a print soon!


I will free you all.


I will free you all.

(via ebookporn)

So, update incase anyone has a habit of wondering how I am. Not that I expect anyone to, particularly on the internet, but hey.

I came close to taking myself to the hospital on Saturday night, because somewhere between Friday night and then I went from mild breathing discomfort to “Holy crap I can’t breathe it feels like I ran a marathon I have burning in my chest and my heart is pounding a drum in my head, what is standing”.

So that was fun. Not to mention, hey, I’ve already been on three courses of antibiotics, three of steroids. Now I’m on my fourth of both and improving, hopefully to the point of getting and staying better this time. I have asthma, and for sure I’m the kind of person who goes from mildly ill to half dead in a snap, so this is nothing new. On a larger scale, this is the worst winter illness wise I’ve had in living memory and I really just want more than a few days of feeling like I’m in control of my own lungs without the aid of several tablets and woe if I miss my inhalers for a few hours.

It’s also knocked me down quite a few pegs as far as feeling happy and upbeat. Somewhere between a couple of months ago, the whole roller coaster of illness has taken a toll. Dysphoria is back and I thought I’d become pretty good at managing it this year. I’ve taken steps to redress that, as in laying the groundwork to actually book surgery and get time off work if I still have a job then, but that brings a variety of confrontations back into the forefront. Some of my family, namely some of the people I live with, still have no idea about me seeking, that. I’m resolute with marching ford with this, have always been, but now, setting a date, that’s final and obvious. And worrying.

Most of all, I’m tired, physically and emotionally. I get better, I get worse, I get better, I get worse. I can deal with it to some extent, but this, cumulatively, I feel like I’m sinking and I’m trying desperately to grasp for something. Only to float back up and sink back down, and, there we go. That’s life. I’m trying to keep a lid on the complaining. I try to think and do some mental filing and sort it out in the grand, wide, scheme of things. But really, it’s wearing. There will be a time when I’m better than this point, and I’ll look back and laugh about that horrible winter, sure. But right now, I’m just tired.


Hi I’m Nellie, and I like to sit weird!!


Hi I’m Nellie, and I like to sit weird!!





So, i read this awful article using bathroom “scare tactics,” which was claiming that trans women are potential rapists. “Men” who dress as women to gain access to women only spaces and force them self on women. This really upset me and i had a bit of a Twitter rant. They were read by others and i was urged to post them in other media also, so i am posting them here. (Edited together in easy reading format from top to bottom.)

This is the link in the first tweet about how there are no cases of a trans woman attacking a cis woman in public restrooms: Link 1.

This is the link in the second tweet about the cases where trans people are assaulted in the bathroom by cis people: Link 2.

if you’re cis and you follow me i’m gonna need you to reblog this

don’t care if you’re cis or trans, this is important.

Early in my transition, my bladder got really weak. I don’t face what transwomen do but I was afraid to go into the men’s bathroom while I didn’t always pass and afraid to go into the women’s bathroom while I sometimes did. Mostly it was just embarrassment I was afraid of though, not the physical and verbal abuse that trans women face. Anyway, I would avoid public toilets as much as possible and ended up getting to the point where I couldn’t hold on when I needed to go. I wet myself more than once while I was out and about. I’ve passed for ages now, so I don’t have that problem anymore but I remember the humiliation and anxiety like it was yesterday. It’s not something I want anyone to experience. I have a friend who is a trans woman and she was early in transition around the time I was. Before she felt she passed, she would go into the male toilets with me so I could manage the anxiety and because there were certainly times I felt my safety at risk while I wasn’t passing. I felt bad for her having to go in there, but she was pretty resigned to it at the time.

Always look out for people who don’t conform to gender standards in one way or another. If you see someone getting harassed in a public bathroom or on the street, step up, say something. Call for help if it looks dangerous (but maybe someone tough you can trust rather than the police who are likely to escalate the situation)

Don’t make judgements about a strangers gender. Just help to allow them to express it in whatever way they need to.


Michael Carini | Series: The Up-Side of Down | Acrylic on Canvas

1. Trauma permanently changes us.

This is the big, scary truth about trauma: there is no such thing as “getting over it.” The five stages of grief model marks universal stages in learning to accept loss, but the reality is in fact much bigger: a major life disruption leaves a new normal in its wake. There is no “back to the old me.” You are different now, full stop.

This is not a wholly negative thing. Healing from trauma can also mean finding new strength and joy. The goal of healing is not a papering-over of changes in an effort to preserve or present things as normal. It is to acknowledge and wear your new life — warts, wisdom, and all — with courage.

2. Presence is always better than distance.

There is a curious illusion that in times of crisis people “need space.” I don’t know where this assumption originated, but in my experience it is almost always false. Trauma is a disfiguring, lonely time even when surrounded in love; to suffer through trauma alone is unbearable. Do not assume others are reaching out, showing up, or covering all the bases.

It is a much lighter burden to say, “Thanks for your love, but please go away,” than to say, “I was hurting and no one cared for me.” If someone says they need space, respect that. Otherwise, err on the side of presence.

3. Healing is seasonal, not linear.

It is true that healing happens with time. But in the recovery wilderness, emotional healing looks less like a line and more like a wobbly figure-8. It’s perfectly common to get stuck in one stage for months, only to jump to another end entirely … only to find yourself back in the same old mud again next year.

Recovery lasts a long, long time. Expect seasons.

4. Surviving trauma takes “firefighters” and “builders.” Very few people are both.

This is a tough one. In times of crisis, we want our family, partner, or dearest friends to be everything for us. But surviving trauma requires at least two types of people: the crisis team — those friends who can drop everything and jump into the fray by your side, and the reconstruction crew — those whose calm, steady care will help nudge you out the door into regaining your footing in the world. In my experience, it is extremely rare for any individual to be both a firefighter and a builder. This is one reason why trauma is a lonely experience. Even if you share suffering with others, no one else will be able to fully walk the road with you the whole way.

A hard lesson of trauma is learning to forgive and love your partner, best friend, or family even when they fail at one of these roles. Conversely, one of the deepest joys is finding both kinds of companions beside you on the journey.

5. Grieving is social, and so is healing.

For as private a pain as trauma is, for all the healing that time and self-work will bring, we are wired for contact. Just as relationships can hurt us most deeply, it is only through relationship that we can be most fully healed.

It’s not easy to know what this looks like — can I trust casual acquaintances with my hurt? If my family is the source of trauma, can they also be the source of healing? How long until this friend walks away? Does communal prayer help or trivialize?

Seeking out shelter in one another requires tremendous courage, but it is a matter of life or paralysis. One way to start is to practice giving shelter to others.

6. Do not offer platitudes or comparisons. Do not, do not, do not.

“I’m so sorry you lost your son, we lost our dog last year … ” “At least it’s not as bad as … ” “You’ll be stronger when this is over.” “God works in all things for good!”

When a loved one is suffering, we want to comfort them. We offer assurances like the ones above when we don’t know what else to say. But from the inside, these often sting as clueless, careless, or just plain false.

Trauma is terrible. What we need in the aftermath is a friend who can swallow her own discomfort and fear, sit beside us, and just let it be terrible for a while.

7. Allow those suffering to tell their own stories.

Of course, someone who has suffered trauma may say, “This made me stronger,” or “I’m lucky it’s only (x) and not (z).” That is their prerogative. There is an enormous gulf between having someone else thrust his unsolicited or misapplied silver linings onto you, and discovering hope for one’s self. The story may ultimately sound very much like “God works in all things for good,” but there will be a galaxy of disfigurement and longing and disorientation in that confession. Give the person struggling through trauma the dignity of discovering and owning for himself where, and if, hope endures.

8. Love shows up in unexpected ways.

This is a mystifying pattern after trauma, particularly for those in broad community: some near-strangers reach out, some close friends fumble to express care. It’s natural for us to weight expressions of love differently: a Hallmark card, while unsatisfying if received from a dear friend, can be deeply touching coming from an old acquaintance.

Ultimately every gesture of love, regardless of the sender, becomes a step along the way to healing. If there are beatitudes for trauma, I’d say the first is, “Blessed are those who give love to anyone in times of hurt, regardless of how recently they’ve talked or awkwardly reconnected or visited cross-country or ignored each other on the metro.” It may not look like what you’d request or expect, but there will be days when surprise love will be the sweetest.

9. Whatever doesn’t kill you …

In 2011, after a publically humiliating year, comedian Conan O’Brien gave students at Dartmouth College the following warning:

"Nietzsche famously said, ‘Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ … What he failed to stress is that it almost kills you.”
Odd things show up after a serious loss and creep into every corner of life: insatiable anxiety in places that used to bring you joy, detachment or frustration towards your closest companions, a deep distrust of love or presence or vulnerability.

There will be days when you feel like a quivering, cowardly shell of yourself, when despair yawns as a terrible chasm, when fear paralyzes any chance for pleasure. This is just a fight that has to be won, over and over and over again.

10. … Doesn’t kill you.

Living through trauma may teach you resilience. It may help sustain you and others in times of crisis down the road. It may prompt humility. It may make for deeper seasons of joy. It may even make you stronger.

It also may not.

In the end, the hope of life after trauma is simply that you have life after trauma. The days, in their weird and varied richness, go on. So will you.

Catherine Woodiwiss, “A New Normal: Ten Things I’ve Learned About Trauma”     (via qasaweh)

(via oldgodsnewjobs)